You can't motorboat a personality
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
