What a fucking waste of an outfit
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
