I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
