everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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