So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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