He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
