Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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