If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
People in love make me want to vomit
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dick very happy bro
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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