I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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