Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
