My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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