what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
