I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
