Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
