Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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