you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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