Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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