Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
