I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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