BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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