I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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