the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
