lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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