the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
