That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
