I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
