i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
