My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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