She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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