Welp...herpes.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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