Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I queefed so loud it echoed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
