You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
