I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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