I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
