I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
