I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
