You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
