maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
