So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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