i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
