True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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