I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
