She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
