I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
where are you?
Hypothermia
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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