is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
