Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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