So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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