That's when you crack a 10am beer
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
