you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
