Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He passed out mid-signature
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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