Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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